1) Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture.
2) Constipated people don't give a crap.
3) When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
4) I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.
Jim Loy
5) Dear Girls, if a boy pauses a video game just to text you back…Marry him.
6) Two girls wearing the same shirt would avoid each other as much as possible. Two guys wearing the same shirt, 'BRO, let's hang out together.'.
7) I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
8) My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet. She’s now in a maximum security old-age home in Australia
9) I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
10) ... Is certain that it doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more vodka.
11) Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
12) In a perfect world, you would be able to mark people as spam in real life.
13) If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.
14) In life, you miss 100% of the shots you never take!
15) Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
16) Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.
Anonymous
17) This the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected
18) Real love is a pilgrimage. It happens when there is no strategy, but it is very rare because most people are strategists.
Anita Brookner
19) Just the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
Carl Sagan
20) I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis
21) That moment when you actually breathe in as hard as possible to hide your paunch for that sexy look in a photograph..
22) Women are like cell phones; they like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button and you'll be disconnected .
23) Mighty proud I am that I am able to have a spare bed for my friends
24) The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them.
Jackie Collins
25) Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.
Otomo No Yakamochi
26) When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
27) To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail.
28) No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
Anonymous
29) In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.
30) The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
31) What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies
32) Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde
33) Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
T.S. Eliot
34) You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
35) People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
36) Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.
37) I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adam
38) An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education too seriously.
Charles F. Kettering
39) One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
40) The hardest job facing kids today is to learn good manners without seeing any.
41) According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is, they're a bunch of liars.
42) Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Louis Hector Berlioz
43) If couples who are in love are called LOVE BIRDS, then couples who always argue should be called ANGRY BIRDS.
44) We must hang together, or surely we shall hang separately
45) A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.
Anonymous
46) You don't really know what you have until it's gone; that's a weak Sherlock moment.
47) Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
48) Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
49) The sincerest love is the love of food.
50) Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.
|
