1) Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend
2) When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
3) Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
4) Wishes that just about the time when I think I can make ends meet, somebody would stop moving the ends!
5) My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
6) The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
7) Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
Benjamin Franklin
8) A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing.
9) When we cannot laugh on 1 joke again & again why do we cry thinking about one hurt again & again? we have just 1 life.... live, smile & spread JOY.
10) My girlfriend must have had 61 boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty-second lover.
11) Men only have two faults.... What they do, and what they say!
12) I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
13) Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.
Greenville Kleisser
14) We know our friends by their defects rather than their merits
15) 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
16) It's sweet when someone knows every single detail about you. Not because you constantly remind them, but because they pay attention.
Unknown
17) If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don't eat it: It's probably poison.
18) The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
Anne Bancroft
19) ....never questions authority, he annoys authority. More effect, less effort.
20) We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
21) The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking.
22) The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
23) Look up for inspiration, down for concentration but don’t look side to side for information
24) Would rather check his Facebook, than face his checkbook.
25) If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for two weeks.
26) No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.
27) If I can, I will; if I can't, I definitely will!
28) Thinks feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.
29) A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Gloria Steinem
30) If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Richard Gere
31) You can't buy happiness. But you can buy chocolate. And that's kinda the same thing.
Unknown
32) Why won't you understand me like my iPhone does?
33) I think about him every day and night. I just can’t get him out my head, I told him everything he needed to know. Now I am waiting for him to tell me what he’s thinking. The next thing I know I open my door and he’s there. He hugs me and I knew it was love.
34) Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, and then look at neighboring table and wish you’ve ordered that.
35) Today, so far you have failed to impress me. I am, however, willing to remain open-minded.
36) You can never fall in love with someone you can never laugh with.
Unknown
37) Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
38) I'm not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.
Dolly Parton
39) When the biggest pimple in the history of pimples decides to show up on the day of your first date...
40) The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
41) I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
42) Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
43) That's not a pot belly, that's dislocated muscles assembled at one location due to abdominal gravity.
44) People living in stone houses, should not throw glasses.
45) Thinks that if your relationship status says, 'It's complicated' that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to 'Single'
46) Hermits have no peer pressure.
47) At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
48) Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite.
Unknown
49) ......is rejecting your reality and replacing it with his own.
50) For your men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember that’s where the knives are kept.
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