1) When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.
George Burns
2) Realized that today is the tomorrow he worried about yesterday.
3) The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
Sam Levenson
4) Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
5) My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?
6) I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly
7) It is the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter
8) A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.
9) Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
10) To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Paul Ehrlich
11) Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Oscar Wilde
12) Ambition is a miserable excuse for not having enough sense to avoid work!
13) ..is normally not a praying man, but if you are up there, please save me Superman
14) Before using the bathroom is someone's house, make sure to check if they have toilet paper
15) When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
Jane Wagner
16) While you're not here, I'll just pretend to hug you till you come back...
17) If you can't fix it with duct tape, you haven't used enough.
18) Username or Password incorrect'... is it too much to ask WHICH ONE IS IT !!!
19) Just when the mind found the answers, the heart changed the question.
20) Me to my boyfriend: Forget butterflies, the whole zoo erupts in my stomach when I see you.
21) If you must be taken for a ride, it may as well be in a good car.
22) Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
23) Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill
24) There should be a limit on the number of frogs you have to kiss before you find your prince. Too many frogs are having fun
25) They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
26) The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart a little softer than your head
27) You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
28) ...... is experiencing life at the rate of several wtf's a minute.
29) I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
30) I hate when I am about to hug a very attractive person and my face hits the mirror.
31) Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
H. L. Mencken
32) Men are like coolers...load 'em with beer and you can take 'em anywhere!
33) I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
34) Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google
35) If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
Elbert Hubbard
36) Your heart is one of your most prized possessions, be careful who you give it to.
37) ........is making some changes to his life. Leave a message, and if I don't get back to you later, you're one of the changes.
38) ...dreams of a better world...where chickens cross the road without having their motives questioned
39) Has decided that people can be divided into three groups: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.
40) If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!
Yogi Berra
41) .....used to be schizophrenic. But now both of us are fine.
42) A true friend stabs you in the front
43) I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
Anonymous
44) I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra
45) Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.- Navjot Singh Sidhu
46) I either get what I want or I change my mind.
47) I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
Garry Shandling
48) A man who treats his woman like a princess is proof that he was born and raised in the arms of a queen.
Unknown
49) Don’t let someone be a priority in your life when you are still an option in their life.
50) Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan
|
