1) Things hurt me now. My knees hurt, my back hurts. But your head still thinks it's twenty-three.
George Clooney
2) Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
3) I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.
4) To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
5) Forget love, because I’d rather fall for chocolate.
6) If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn't show up.
Dr Seuss
7) What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired, I just put down the mirror
8) Life is rather like a tin of sardines – we’re all of us looking for the key.
9) Feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes.
10) Whoever said 'nothing is impossible' never tried to nail jell-o to a tree.
Lisa Bryant
11) A man's go to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
Rhonda Hansome
12) Just kidding!'
Most popular lie in the world.
13) The best listeners listen between the lines.
Nina Malkin
14) My wife was too beautiful for words - but not for arguments.
John Barrymore
15) Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
16) I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Woody Allen
17) If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
Scott Adams
18) Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
Ambrose Redmoon
19) A man typed in search box on Google, “What do women want?” and Google replied, “We are also searching”.
20) Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours.
Anonymous
21) Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
22) Life is like Mario bro's, ya have to slay a lot of dragons before ya meet ya princess.
23) Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
Oprah Winfrey
24) It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end!
25) Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece.
26) Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
27) Give me one friend, just one, who meets the needs of all my varying moods
28) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
29) True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable
30) I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
31) Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Lily Tomlin
32) The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return.
Arthur C. Clarke
33) If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
Ann Landers
34) A grandparent's house is where cousins become best friends.
Unknown
35) When I was born, I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
36) I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
37) How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?
38) ... has learned one thing since joining Facebook. I'm not nearly as messed up as I thought I was.
39) Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you've never met.
Unknown
40) Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
41) The meaning of ABCDEFG and GFEDCBA. “A boy can do everything for Girl” and “Girl forgets everything done & catches new boy again.
42) Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin
43) I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press.
Roger Kahn
44) An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Agatha Christie
45) Shin: a physical appendage that helps you find furniture in the dark!
46) Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
47) I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
48) Love is being stupid together.
49) Life thought me not to underestimate my ex, the one i love, nor the one i hate!
50) The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What... does a woman want?'
Freud
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