1) Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control..
Diana Jordan.
2) I intend to live forever - so far so good.
3) Going for a hug, sensing rejection, pretend to brush your hair, nice save.
4) A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked
5) Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
Victor Hugo
6) Asking a writer how he feels about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.
7) ... is experiencing life at a rate of several WTF's a minute.
8) The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius!
9) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Brian Gerald O'Driscoll
10) We can all keep secrets. But the people we tell are not very good at it.
11) Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
12) The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they’re ok, then it’s you
13) I am amazing at remembering names. I just can't remember which one is yours.
14) 5 Deadly Terms Used By a Woman:
1. “Fine” – This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is right and you need to shut up.
2. “Nothing” – means “Something” and you need to be worried.
3. “Go Ahead” – this is a dare, not permission, don't do it.
4. “Whatever” – A women's way of saying screw you.
5. “That's Ok” – She is thinking long and hard on how and when you will pay for your mistake. Bonus Word: “Wow!” – This is not a compliment; she's amazed that one person could be so stupid.
15) Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
16) ..Just received a coupon in the mail. Buy one glove and get one FREE! Offer valid till gloves last
17) Definition of human being: A creature that cuts trees, makes paper and write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper.
18) Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.- Will Rogers
19) Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
20) Everything you like is bad for you in some way.
21) Go ahead and tell rumors about me. I love learning things I never ever knew about myself.
22) All work and no play makes Jack a manager!
23) Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning
Anonymous
24) This are funny quotes about love and lovers. Also includes funny marriage quotes or just any funny relationship quotes. You’d surely love this collection because these quotes are reality based. Send this to your loved one and see how he/she would respond with it. Keep reading and keep laughing.
25) War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
26) When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell anonymous
27) Every man needs a woman when his life is in a mess; because, just like in a game of chess, the queen protects the king.
28) Nobody goes where the crowds are anymore. It's too crowded.
Yogi Berra
29) ...is down since no one wished him a happy birthday. But that's okay! Since it is not his birthday today
30) I am great at remembering names. I just don't remember which one is yours
31) Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it
Cale Yarborough
32) There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
33) Truth is, everyone in life is going to hurt you, you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain...
34) Changed his/her status update just to see your reaction
35) Friends are there to catch you when you trip and fall, but best friends are there to laugh at you when you trip and fall.
36) Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
M. Berle
37) The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
38) Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy
39) I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known
Walt Disney
40) Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
41) If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?
Tom Snyder
42) And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.
43) Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.
William Arthur Ward
44) Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.
45) Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
46) Drawing on my fine command of the language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley
47) Most emotional moment in a boy’s life is when a girl says, ” Can you give me your number?”
48) Go for younger men, they never mature anyway.
49) When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun!'.
50) I hate it in friends when they come too late to help
|
