1) Longest Day Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ..... Comment ~ Must be. That's a whole lotta exclamation points.
2) Everyone who likes me is awesome and brilliant, and everyone who doesn't, is a selfish jerk.
Weird.
3) He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
4) Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
5) I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.
6) We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the Complete Works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Robert Wilensky
7) Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Jerry Seinfeld
8) Has discovered that a clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory!
9) The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.
Robert Brault
10) There are certain things that Man was never meant to know; for everything else, there's Google.
11) I haven't lost my mind, It's backed up on disk Somewhere.
12) The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
13) Why do we feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking 'I'm gonna ki..- Ahh damn! He's under a blanket.
14) Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes then they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.
15) To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
David Viscott
16) I finally figured out what mosquitoes are for - they are God's way to make us slap ourselves!
17) Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
18) My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.Cynthia Walker McCullough
19) Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
Samuel Goldwyn
20) God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile and the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.
Oscar Wilde
21) Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
22) Say no to drugs, but then, if you are talking to drugs, you are probably already on drugs.
23) Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion.
Miguel de Unamuno
24) My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
25) I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
26) The best time to make friends is before you need them.
27) As a young child my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out the police call this 'Identity Theft'.
28) An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.
29) I'm not jealous of men; women can cry in public, wear cute clothes and are the first to be rescued from sinking ships.
30) Sexy is when you can confidently wear a tight shirt to the gym yet you don't; not sexy is when you shouldn't wear one yet you do.
31) I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
George Buns
32) Against my will, I love you still!
33) My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
34) My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
35) People who snore always fall asleep first.
36) If money grew on trees-girls wouldn’t mind dating monkeys.
37) I know what you did recently - you just read this status message!
38) Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
Rita Rudner
39) Why is the newspaper far more interesting when someone else is reading it?
40) People say “nothing” is impossible, but I can do “nothing” every day.
41) If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
Unknown
42) If I had to sum up Friendship in one word, it would be Comfort!
43) Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
44) One should always be in love. That is the reason one should NEVER marry.
45) For me this is somehow a funny love quote. And also once again reminds us the strength of this feeling: Love can do anything, even moving mountains, doesn't matter what the reason would be.
46) I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.
47) Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.
48) My boss is much more than just a mentor to me - he is my tormentor.
49) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Wilson Mizner
50) Be nice to nerds. Chances are, you will be working for them.
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